Another month down..

So I know I haven't updated this thing in awhile.. Not sure why, just haven't thought to do it.

R&R came and went.. It was pretty awesome.. I enjoyed most of it. I think he did too. We didn't have sex at all which really sucked.. I thought at least he would take that pill he had left and he still didn't. My feelings were hurt for awhile, but oh well. I am starting to realize that even though tests came back about him, that part of it is still me and will always be me.. other than that I can't explain most of his actions anymore.

I love this man with everything in me. I have given up so much to be with him.. twice. Everything I do or don't do, is for him. I do everything for him and he knows this. And yet it is never enough. I don't think I am enough for him at all no matter how hard I try to be.

He just won't stop. And I don't know where to go from here. I definitely can't even confront him on anything until he comes home no matter how much I want to. I just don't even know what to think. He will tell me one thing and act one way with me and then turn it around completely and talk differently with other women telling them different things. I've had it, but I am so fucking in love with this man that I don't even want to leave him. I think right now what I'm going to do is just not talk to him for a few days. If he wants to get ahold of me then he can. He has no idea that I know about everything.. and it's not even something that has happened during this deployment.. it has been happening for a long time. And I have known about it and just let it slide.. over and over again I have just let it slide.. and I don't want to let it slide anymore. I don't know why I've kept my eyes closed to it.. maybe because love is blind? I dunno..all I know is if I'm not enough for him then that is not enough for me..

:(