Shit..

So I did it. I confronted Randy. Well, I sent him an email. I told him that I knew what he was doing, who he was talking to, etc.. what really made me do it was him sending the naked pictures of himself out to those girls.. one even replied, "wow, was not expecting that! made me wet, so sexy". That was the last straw for me.

I'm so fucked up.. this is how messed up I am.. Even though he did these things to me.. I'm worried about him. Worried how he is going to feel being confronted, and worried about his reaction. I'm worried that I shouldn't have confronted him since he is deployed and he needs to have his mind on his mission and not back home. Maybe that was wrong of me, I don't know.. but this isn't fair to me. I've signed off my messengers so he can either call me once he gets it or email me back. I honestly don't feel like talking to him.. and I am so scared of what his reaction is going to be to this. I'm nervous. Don't get me wrong, I am super pissed off, but I should be more angry with the situation and not giving a crap what he thinks but instead I'm worried about him. I love him so much that I'm more worried about him right now than I am myself.

I want so badly to go into his email and delete it before he can find it. Part of me wants to because I love him so much that I don't want to lose him. But I can't keep letting this happen. It hurts too badly. I know I don't deserve this. But I'm afraid by me sending him that email.. that might be the end of our marriage.. and I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. :(

Wish me luck.