I am so happy right now! One, the blackout has been lifted so I was able to talk to Randy, even though it was only for a few minutes.. secondly, we have dates for R&R! I am so friggin' happy right now I could burst! I know when he's coming home! I get to start a new countdown! :)
Right now, DOM says 13% done with deployment, and 29% done until R&R. I can't wait to see my husband! I miss him so much.
Anyways, I am going to get to bed early. I'm not feeling so good. I haven't been able to sleep much lately because of this horrendous toothache. Not able to eat much either. When I woke up from my nap this afternoon I had a slight fever. And now my belly is a little icky and I'm starting to sweat a little. So I'm going to go lay down.
BUT I AM SO HAPPY THAT WE HAVE A DATE FOR R&R! I cannot wait! Woohooo!!!!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
42 days.
Yay! Hit a little milestone. Still don't think this deployment has gotten any easier. Although I will say that since being in WA, time has definitely gone faster than it was going when I was back home in KS. Right now DOM says, 11.5% done. I know it doesn't seem like much, but the greener part is a lot bigger than what it was. Still just can't wait until this deployment is over with. I miss having my husband.
I'm waiting on my sleeping pill to kick in.. only slept about 4 hours yesterday. Boo. I think it's because of the head pain. I ran out of pills a week ago and called my DR to have him send me over a new prescription. Well he did, but he SLOW MAILED IT. Ugh, for some reason that is his policy. So anyways I've been calling the pharmacy every day, sometimes twice a day to see if it is in yet. It's been 6 days since they mailed it, you would have thought it would have been here by now. When I went in and talked to them, they said that all mail goes to the main office, so it could still take a few days to get sorted out before the pharmacy even gets it. BOO! I am in so much pain I can't stand it. I know I probably should have called it in sooner, but I honestly thought they would just call it in or fax it in to the pharmacy like my old Doctor did when I was in NY. So for the last week I have been without any pain pills. It's been awful. My Mom took me to this all natural/organic grocery store.. well they had a bunch of different things to try for pain. I bought like 30 dollars worth of stuff which NONE of it helped. Such a waste of money. Anyways, I did buy this little roll on headache stick that has peppermint oil and lavendar in it. That is the only thing that helps. Doesn't get rid of the pain, but it turns your head to ice so it's like it is being numbed. If I didn't have that thing I think I would have admitted myself to the ER by now. I just really hope that my pills come in tomorrow. I'm tired of this pain. I don't even know what I did to deserve it in the first place. Sigh. Two+ years of headaches and you would think I'd be used to this pain by now. Nope. It still sucks. Especially the bad days. I've been crying a lot more because normally whenever my head would get this bad, all I'd have to do is tell Randy and he would drop whatever it was that he was doing and come in and rub my head for me. I miss that. It always helped to relieve some of the tension. :(
So nothing much else going on. I think I'm freaking myself out a little bit though. On AWC, there have been like 3 girls with their boyfriends/husbands deployed who in the last 4 days have come on and said how their men want to leave them. I am afraid that Randy is going to do the same. I know I'm probably just being paranoid, but with everything going on over there, who knows? It doesn't help that for some reason he doesn't want to call me. It's been a month since I've talked to him on the phone.. Every time I talk to him about buying the card unit, he says he will. But he still hasn't. I know he is busy, believe me. But I'm selfish and I really just want to hear his voice. I think it would help so much if I could just hear his voice. I'd even be happy if they got internet back in their tents so I could webcam with him. So yeah, I just sit and question why he may not want to talk to me. And other than that our communication is pretty good. I get to talk to him online for 30 minutes almost every night. That is definitely really nice.. but see even lately, he hasn't really talked as much to me as he used to. He'll go 4 minutes without even replying.. and then when he does it's just a "lol" or something like that. I'm sure he's probably stressed to the max and I totally understand that.. but see after all these girls are posting about their SO's wanting to break up/divorce, it scares me. I know I'm just being paranoid, but I don't want to pester him about it either.
Anyways, still at my Mamas. Having a little bit of fun. We saw Bridesmaids on Saturday and it was one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. Definitely want to buy it when it comes out. I laughed so hard.. and my mom actually stayed awake during the whole thing, so she obviously enjoyed it too! haha.
Anywho, I think I'll be leaving on the 1st. Gives it time for my medicine to get here and extra money, and then I am on my way back to Kansas. I'm kinda looking forward to it. Not that I'm miserable here or anything of that nature, but Kansas is my home now. Our apartment is our apartment. Our stuff. I miss our stuff lol.
Alright well I do believe I feel a sleeping pill kicking in. Here is to a good night's rest. I hope my husband is getting the same.
I'm waiting on my sleeping pill to kick in.. only slept about 4 hours yesterday. Boo. I think it's because of the head pain. I ran out of pills a week ago and called my DR to have him send me over a new prescription. Well he did, but he SLOW MAILED IT. Ugh, for some reason that is his policy. So anyways I've been calling the pharmacy every day, sometimes twice a day to see if it is in yet. It's been 6 days since they mailed it, you would have thought it would have been here by now. When I went in and talked to them, they said that all mail goes to the main office, so it could still take a few days to get sorted out before the pharmacy even gets it. BOO! I am in so much pain I can't stand it. I know I probably should have called it in sooner, but I honestly thought they would just call it in or fax it in to the pharmacy like my old Doctor did when I was in NY. So for the last week I have been without any pain pills. It's been awful. My Mom took me to this all natural/organic grocery store.. well they had a bunch of different things to try for pain. I bought like 30 dollars worth of stuff which NONE of it helped. Such a waste of money. Anyways, I did buy this little roll on headache stick that has peppermint oil and lavendar in it. That is the only thing that helps. Doesn't get rid of the pain, but it turns your head to ice so it's like it is being numbed. If I didn't have that thing I think I would have admitted myself to the ER by now. I just really hope that my pills come in tomorrow. I'm tired of this pain. I don't even know what I did to deserve it in the first place. Sigh. Two+ years of headaches and you would think I'd be used to this pain by now. Nope. It still sucks. Especially the bad days. I've been crying a lot more because normally whenever my head would get this bad, all I'd have to do is tell Randy and he would drop whatever it was that he was doing and come in and rub my head for me. I miss that. It always helped to relieve some of the tension. :(
So nothing much else going on. I think I'm freaking myself out a little bit though. On AWC, there have been like 3 girls with their boyfriends/husbands deployed who in the last 4 days have come on and said how their men want to leave them. I am afraid that Randy is going to do the same. I know I'm probably just being paranoid, but with everything going on over there, who knows? It doesn't help that for some reason he doesn't want to call me. It's been a month since I've talked to him on the phone.. Every time I talk to him about buying the card unit, he says he will. But he still hasn't. I know he is busy, believe me. But I'm selfish and I really just want to hear his voice. I think it would help so much if I could just hear his voice. I'd even be happy if they got internet back in their tents so I could webcam with him. So yeah, I just sit and question why he may not want to talk to me. And other than that our communication is pretty good. I get to talk to him online for 30 minutes almost every night. That is definitely really nice.. but see even lately, he hasn't really talked as much to me as he used to. He'll go 4 minutes without even replying.. and then when he does it's just a "lol" or something like that. I'm sure he's probably stressed to the max and I totally understand that.. but see after all these girls are posting about their SO's wanting to break up/divorce, it scares me. I know I'm just being paranoid, but I don't want to pester him about it either.
Anyways, still at my Mamas. Having a little bit of fun. We saw Bridesmaids on Saturday and it was one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. Definitely want to buy it when it comes out. I laughed so hard.. and my mom actually stayed awake during the whole thing, so she obviously enjoyed it too! haha.
Anywho, I think I'll be leaving on the 1st. Gives it time for my medicine to get here and extra money, and then I am on my way back to Kansas. I'm kinda looking forward to it. Not that I'm miserable here or anything of that nature, but Kansas is my home now. Our apartment is our apartment. Our stuff. I miss our stuff lol.
Alright well I do believe I feel a sleeping pill kicking in. Here is to a good night's rest. I hope my husband is getting the same.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Freaking the @#$% out!
I haven't talked to Randy in a couple days, and I figured something was up, but I didn't know what.. So this morning I checked the armyfrg website and there was a letter from the Captain, saying how there was a seriously injured soldier in Randy's company. I know it's not him because it said that the next of kin had already been notified.
This stuff scares me so bad. I had to take a xanax because I was freaking out so hard. I hate this. I hate him being over there in danger. I wonder if he helped the soldier who was hurt since he is one of the few medics in bravo.. but I don't know which platoon it was.. I am so friggin' scared right now. I just want my husband home, safe and in my arms. I can't stand this feeling.
So many prayers for this soldier and his family!
This stuff scares me so bad. I had to take a xanax because I was freaking out so hard. I hate this. I hate him being over there in danger. I wonder if he helped the soldier who was hurt since he is one of the few medics in bravo.. but I don't know which platoon it was.. I am so friggin' scared right now. I just want my husband home, safe and in my arms. I can't stand this feeling.
So many prayers for this soldier and his family!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
30 days!
We are officially at the 30 day mark. Not sure if this is a good milestone or a bad one.. because I can look at it one of two ways.
1.) 30 days down, a whole month has gone by, 1/12th of the way through this damn deployment.
or
2.) 30 days? Son of a bitch! 11 more effing months to go!
So you see my dilemma. :) As you can tell I've been having mood swings.. although someone came up with the PERFECT word for it.. deploymones. So true!
Anyways, sent Randy out two more care packages which I think he will be very happy with. Lots of junk food, haha but delicious stuff that I know he will love! And that is all that matters. I just want him to be happy over there despite all the circumstances. I want him to know that he is very well loved and missed and there are lots of people that want him to come home safely. I hate that he is away. I hate that he is in a war zone. I want to know that he's going to come home to me safe and sound and just the way he left. I'm so heartbroken him being gone.. and I'm very stressed out. I have broken out with so many pimples lately! It's horrible. I look like a damn teenager.. and no matter how many times I wash my face it just seems to be getting worse. I miss my clear skin! :P Though at least I will say that I haven't had to take a sleeping pill the last couple of days or the anti anxiety medicine. So that is good.. I'm sure once I get back home though I might need a little help again. Just because I'd be back in our bed and in our apartment all by myself.. except for the furbabies of course.
Speaking of them. I have decided to get Harvey neutered. We haven't done it yet because Randy didn't want his personality to change.. because when we had Lily spayed, she changed so much.. she went from being such a loving cat to honestly a little bitch.. but we still loved her the same.. and lately she's been acting all sweet again, but this is 3-4 years later. Anyways he/we didn't want Harvey to change.. well after a little research and money being a huge factor I decided to get him neutered while I'm up here. My vet in Kansas said to neuter Harvey it would cost about 90 dollars. Up here, to neuter him, is going to cost me 12. SO, I'm going to be saving 78 dollars.. plus I can get him his shots and those are only an additional 15 dollars. I feel bad for the little guy but it will get him to stop spraying and hopefully make him a little happier around these other cats here. I dunno.. I'm worried about him even though I'm sure he'll be fine. They say cats who are neutered/spayed live a lot longer and have less of a chance of developing testicular cancers and stuff. And I want my Harvey around for a very long time. Who else is going to sleep on my pillow? So this means I'm going to be leaving a little later than I had planned.. since he's going to have it done on Sunday. I need to make sure that he is fully recovered before I pack in him a car for 2 1/2 days.
Anyways, I better get off this thing. I taught Biff how to sit and I got it on camera so I need to go upload the video to youtube so Randy can see it. He'll be so proud of his littlest!
Oh and 8.2% done with deployment! :)
1.) 30 days down, a whole month has gone by, 1/12th of the way through this damn deployment.
or
2.) 30 days? Son of a bitch! 11 more effing months to go!
So you see my dilemma. :) As you can tell I've been having mood swings.. although someone came up with the PERFECT word for it.. deploymones. So true!
Anyways, sent Randy out two more care packages which I think he will be very happy with. Lots of junk food, haha but delicious stuff that I know he will love! And that is all that matters. I just want him to be happy over there despite all the circumstances. I want him to know that he is very well loved and missed and there are lots of people that want him to come home safely. I hate that he is away. I hate that he is in a war zone. I want to know that he's going to come home to me safe and sound and just the way he left. I'm so heartbroken him being gone.. and I'm very stressed out. I have broken out with so many pimples lately! It's horrible. I look like a damn teenager.. and no matter how many times I wash my face it just seems to be getting worse. I miss my clear skin! :P Though at least I will say that I haven't had to take a sleeping pill the last couple of days or the anti anxiety medicine. So that is good.. I'm sure once I get back home though I might need a little help again. Just because I'd be back in our bed and in our apartment all by myself.. except for the furbabies of course.
Speaking of them. I have decided to get Harvey neutered. We haven't done it yet because Randy didn't want his personality to change.. because when we had Lily spayed, she changed so much.. she went from being such a loving cat to honestly a little bitch.. but we still loved her the same.. and lately she's been acting all sweet again, but this is 3-4 years later. Anyways he/we didn't want Harvey to change.. well after a little research and money being a huge factor I decided to get him neutered while I'm up here. My vet in Kansas said to neuter Harvey it would cost about 90 dollars. Up here, to neuter him, is going to cost me 12. SO, I'm going to be saving 78 dollars.. plus I can get him his shots and those are only an additional 15 dollars. I feel bad for the little guy but it will get him to stop spraying and hopefully make him a little happier around these other cats here. I dunno.. I'm worried about him even though I'm sure he'll be fine. They say cats who are neutered/spayed live a lot longer and have less of a chance of developing testicular cancers and stuff. And I want my Harvey around for a very long time. Who else is going to sleep on my pillow? So this means I'm going to be leaving a little later than I had planned.. since he's going to have it done on Sunday. I need to make sure that he is fully recovered before I pack in him a car for 2 1/2 days.
Anyways, I better get off this thing. I taught Biff how to sit and I got it on camera so I need to go upload the video to youtube so Randy can see it. He'll be so proud of his littlest!
Oh and 8.2% done with deployment! :)
Monday, May 9, 2011
So I've been here for about a week.. I think I'm going to stay maybe another week then head on home. I've been having such a great time being back. I saw Julie on Friday and got to meet her new boyfriend.. he seems like a pretty decent guy and I don't think I've ever seen her this happy before. She deserves to be though. She's such an amazing person with a heart of pure gold. While I was up there, the three of us walked through downtown Bellingham and had some delicious mocha's and this cute little coffee shop/bakery. Afterwards we went to a Cajun restaurant called "The Bayou". It was pretty damn yummy. I've never really had Cajun food before but I was impressed. Also with dinner I had a glass of wine that is actually made in Bellingham that was soo good, and after we left the restaurant they took me to the winery, and I bought a bottle. I haven't cracked it open yet though. I don't think my Mom has a corkscrew.. eh, I can probably ask the neighbor if I can borrow hers, I know she drinks a lot of wine.
On Saturday we went to my Aunt Lisa's for Aunt Rhondi's moving away party. I'll admit I was pretty nervous about going since I haven't seen anyone for so long and I really don't think anyone on my Dad's side of the family likes me very much.. but everything went better than I expected. I felt very loved and my family even wanted my phone number! It was a great time with good food and it was nice to catch up with everyone. It was nice to meet Chanelle's husband, Julian who just got out of the Army and just got back from Afghanistan. We talked for quite a bit and he was telling me all about the FOB that Randy is at because he had been there too. I learned a lot of new things from him and got some pointers from Chanelle.
Today (Sunday) Mom and I went and picked up Pam in Monroe and met Travis at Uncle Paul's.. he was showing us all the pictures he's found of old family members.. telling us how he's gotten really into geneology and how we are related to Lady Godiva. I thought that was pretty interesting. Never thought I was related to anyone famous, although I always knew I was royalty. bwahaha. After that him and Aunt Kathy took us to Duke's Chowderhouse down on Alki Beach. It was pretty delicious food and I had such a good time.. then we dropped Pam off and headed back home. It was such a great day and then I kicked myself because Justin sent me a text telling me Randy was online.. but I was 30 minutes away from home and he couldn't stay online. :( I was so upset that I missed him. Especially since I didn't get to talk to him yesterday or this morning either. I sent him an email though. And he finally got my care packages! Yay! It's actually 2:00 AM right now and I'm still awake because I'm hoping he makes it back online. And I swear if I fall asleep and then find out he was back on I'm going to be really upset!
I have a busy day planned out for tomorrow. I'm going to wake up, walk the boys, take a shower.. then I'm going to head to Monroe and pick up Brenda and we're going to go see Thor. Randy has been begging me to go and see it so I can let him know how it is, so we're going to go see the 1:05 showing.. then after that I'm going to stop at the Navy PX in Marysville and pick up a few more things for Randy's next care package. Right now he needs a new charger for his PSP, a new memory card, some razors and laundry soap. Really surprised that they don't have some for him over there.. really astonishing that he has to buy it himself and have it shopped over. Anyways I'm also going to pick up that other set of boxing gloves for him and see about mailing both sets to him as well... I think I'll be able to get it all together but I'm unfortunately not going to be able to do it all before the post office closes. Thank goodness I brought boxes from Kansas! That way I can get it all packed and ready before I go to the post office. I even brought customs forms with me. :) I know I'm a nerd, but I like to be prepared damnit! hehe.
So today we are at 7.4% of the way finished with deployment, and it's been 27 days since he's been gone. The first couple weeks dragged on so slow, or so it seemed. But now that we're almost at a month, it seems to have gone by quickly. I can only pray the rest of this deployment goes as fast. I know it's been less than a month but I am so ready to have my husband back home. And I'm also getting dissapointed fast because two of the girls whose husband/boyfriend deployed the same day as Randy are constantly on their facebook every single time they get a phone call. I haven't had a phone call in two weeks! Seriously! Later on today will be two weeks since I've heard his voice, and I miss it. I know I'm selfish, but I feel I'm entitled to be a little selfish at the moment. How come the other guys from his unit are able to call home but he can't/won't? I REALLY am grateful that I've been able to talk to him online, but half the time his internet conks out so I can't even get anything out.. although I do email him like 2-4 times a day. I can't help it.. its almost the only way I can keep him updated about everything that is going on over here.. although half the time he doesn't even reply to my emails. I don't want it to seem like I'm bitching, because I'm not really mad or anything. I'm just getting frustrated I guess? I hate being away from Randy.. he is the most important thing in my life and it sucks with him being gone. I'm just jealous that everyone gets phone calls from their guys and it's been two weeks for me. I know awhile ago he said he was waiting to find out if he was getting attatched to that other unit before he bought another phone card, but he's known that he isn't leaving for 4 days now. And even then he could go to the MWR phones.. granted it's only a 10 minute phone call, but it's free. Oh jeez, I know I sound horrible right now. I know he's got a lot of shit going on over there, and here I am sounding like a total bitchy spaz. I think I'm too tired. I really do enjoy hearing from my husband, even if it's just seeing his name on my buddy list. I just really miss him and it hurts a lot. :(
Oh, and before I get off this thing.. I'm getting really annoyed that my face looks like that of a 15 year old. Seriously, I haven't had this many zits since I was a teenager.. IF I had this many back then. I'm 27 and have more pimples than Randy's sister and two cousins combined. Is it from the stress? I've been washing my face every day.. I even started using two different kinds of face wash to try and clear it up, but its just not working. It is almost like every day it gets a little worse and there's another damn pimple popping up.. and they are almost all centered on my forehead. Only thing I can say is thank God for foundation and that I decided to get bangs! Helps hide it a little. :)
On Saturday we went to my Aunt Lisa's for Aunt Rhondi's moving away party. I'll admit I was pretty nervous about going since I haven't seen anyone for so long and I really don't think anyone on my Dad's side of the family likes me very much.. but everything went better than I expected. I felt very loved and my family even wanted my phone number! It was a great time with good food and it was nice to catch up with everyone. It was nice to meet Chanelle's husband, Julian who just got out of the Army and just got back from Afghanistan. We talked for quite a bit and he was telling me all about the FOB that Randy is at because he had been there too. I learned a lot of new things from him and got some pointers from Chanelle.
Today (Sunday) Mom and I went and picked up Pam in Monroe and met Travis at Uncle Paul's.. he was showing us all the pictures he's found of old family members.. telling us how he's gotten really into geneology and how we are related to Lady Godiva. I thought that was pretty interesting. Never thought I was related to anyone famous, although I always knew I was royalty. bwahaha. After that him and Aunt Kathy took us to Duke's Chowderhouse down on Alki Beach. It was pretty delicious food and I had such a good time.. then we dropped Pam off and headed back home. It was such a great day and then I kicked myself because Justin sent me a text telling me Randy was online.. but I was 30 minutes away from home and he couldn't stay online. :( I was so upset that I missed him. Especially since I didn't get to talk to him yesterday or this morning either. I sent him an email though. And he finally got my care packages! Yay! It's actually 2:00 AM right now and I'm still awake because I'm hoping he makes it back online. And I swear if I fall asleep and then find out he was back on I'm going to be really upset!
I have a busy day planned out for tomorrow. I'm going to wake up, walk the boys, take a shower.. then I'm going to head to Monroe and pick up Brenda and we're going to go see Thor. Randy has been begging me to go and see it so I can let him know how it is, so we're going to go see the 1:05 showing.. then after that I'm going to stop at the Navy PX in Marysville and pick up a few more things for Randy's next care package. Right now he needs a new charger for his PSP, a new memory card, some razors and laundry soap. Really surprised that they don't have some for him over there.. really astonishing that he has to buy it himself and have it shopped over. Anyways I'm also going to pick up that other set of boxing gloves for him and see about mailing both sets to him as well... I think I'll be able to get it all together but I'm unfortunately not going to be able to do it all before the post office closes. Thank goodness I brought boxes from Kansas! That way I can get it all packed and ready before I go to the post office. I even brought customs forms with me. :) I know I'm a nerd, but I like to be prepared damnit! hehe.
So today we are at 7.4% of the way finished with deployment, and it's been 27 days since he's been gone. The first couple weeks dragged on so slow, or so it seemed. But now that we're almost at a month, it seems to have gone by quickly. I can only pray the rest of this deployment goes as fast. I know it's been less than a month but I am so ready to have my husband back home. And I'm also getting dissapointed fast because two of the girls whose husband/boyfriend deployed the same day as Randy are constantly on their facebook every single time they get a phone call. I haven't had a phone call in two weeks! Seriously! Later on today will be two weeks since I've heard his voice, and I miss it. I know I'm selfish, but I feel I'm entitled to be a little selfish at the moment. How come the other guys from his unit are able to call home but he can't/won't? I REALLY am grateful that I've been able to talk to him online, but half the time his internet conks out so I can't even get anything out.. although I do email him like 2-4 times a day. I can't help it.. its almost the only way I can keep him updated about everything that is going on over here.. although half the time he doesn't even reply to my emails. I don't want it to seem like I'm bitching, because I'm not really mad or anything. I'm just getting frustrated I guess? I hate being away from Randy.. he is the most important thing in my life and it sucks with him being gone. I'm just jealous that everyone gets phone calls from their guys and it's been two weeks for me. I know awhile ago he said he was waiting to find out if he was getting attatched to that other unit before he bought another phone card, but he's known that he isn't leaving for 4 days now. And even then he could go to the MWR phones.. granted it's only a 10 minute phone call, but it's free. Oh jeez, I know I sound horrible right now. I know he's got a lot of shit going on over there, and here I am sounding like a total bitchy spaz. I think I'm too tired. I really do enjoy hearing from my husband, even if it's just seeing his name on my buddy list. I just really miss him and it hurts a lot. :(
Oh, and before I get off this thing.. I'm getting really annoyed that my face looks like that of a 15 year old. Seriously, I haven't had this many zits since I was a teenager.. IF I had this many back then. I'm 27 and have more pimples than Randy's sister and two cousins combined. Is it from the stress? I've been washing my face every day.. I even started using two different kinds of face wash to try and clear it up, but its just not working. It is almost like every day it gets a little worse and there's another damn pimple popping up.. and they are almost all centered on my forehead. Only thing I can say is thank God for foundation and that I decided to get bangs! Helps hide it a little. :)
Monday, May 2, 2011
I'm here.
I made it safely to my Mom's. It's been really nice. And all the animals have been getting along pretty well too so that's good. A few little hisses coming out of Felix but other than that things are good.
She took me down to Logan Creek. It was awesome. I saw Debbie and April and it was so nice to see them. And then the residents started coming down for supper. I don't think I've gotten so many hugs in one time. I felt so blessed and so loved. It was wonderful to see all of them and talk with them again. I think Mom and I are going to go in during lunch tomorrow and see them again. I got the biggest hugs from Gladys, Anne, and Fen. But I was so truly happy while I was there. It truly felt great to see them all again and get such a wonderful welcome home.
I also saw Sharon. She was the first person I saw. I stopped in Everett before I got to my Mom's and saw her for a few minutes. She is soo skinny! But she looks great. I can't wait to see little Christofer and see how big he's gotten. He's 4 1/2 now. She doesn't post as many pictures on facebook so I dunno what he looks like.
It is so cold out here! And it's been raining all day. Sharon said I brought the rain with me. Haha, as soon as I got into WA it was raining and I was just like, "aww, I'm home!".
So onto other news.. Osama Bin Ladin is dead. I haven't watched much of the news so really not sure as to all the specifics. On one hand it's great news.. he killed soo many people. On the other hand I am 100% more worried about my Randy. I'm afraid there are going to be more riots and some kind of retaliation. I'm so worried about him and I can't stop it. Not even the Xanax is helping. :(
I think I hurt his feelings though and now I feel like shit. For the first time in a week I was able to talk to him online tonight.. well right now actually.. and I asked him what he thought about me moving back in with my mom for a few months to save extra money, until we got post housing.. and his reply was, "I already had to deal with you moving away once. I'm not going through that shit again." I left NY after that big blowout with his Uncle. I couldn't deal with it. But this was 3 years ago. I didn't know he still harbored feelings about it. Nor did I know that it hurt him so much at the time. I wanted to come back, I was just so afraid of his uncle. And then he moved over here to WA, and things were so much better. At least I thought so. I know he was depressed, but he would never talk to me about it. And then he joined the Army and we moved to Kansas. I've been so happy the last couple of years with him. Happier than I ever thought possible. I'm so in love with this man. Now I'm afraid I hurt his feelings, or that he's hiding resentment toward me for leaving. I never meant to hurt him.. and I would never want to. And now he's not even online. I'm hoping its just his internet being crappy and not him not wanting to talk to me.. because he signed on, then signed off immediately. I should have never opened my big mouth. I really hope he's not mad at me. I don't know if I could handle that. Oh God, this hurts. I just want to talk to him. I don't want him upset with me. I can only imagine how stressed he is already with everything going on over there. I don't want to add to it. I just want him here with me now so that I can show him how much I love him. So I can wrap my arms around him and tell him how much he means to me. To let him know how I think of him every day and that it hurts me so much that he's gone. To show him and let him know how much I need him.
This sucks. :(
She took me down to Logan Creek. It was awesome. I saw Debbie and April and it was so nice to see them. And then the residents started coming down for supper. I don't think I've gotten so many hugs in one time. I felt so blessed and so loved. It was wonderful to see all of them and talk with them again. I think Mom and I are going to go in during lunch tomorrow and see them again. I got the biggest hugs from Gladys, Anne, and Fen. But I was so truly happy while I was there. It truly felt great to see them all again and get such a wonderful welcome home.
I also saw Sharon. She was the first person I saw. I stopped in Everett before I got to my Mom's and saw her for a few minutes. She is soo skinny! But she looks great. I can't wait to see little Christofer and see how big he's gotten. He's 4 1/2 now. She doesn't post as many pictures on facebook so I dunno what he looks like.
It is so cold out here! And it's been raining all day. Sharon said I brought the rain with me. Haha, as soon as I got into WA it was raining and I was just like, "aww, I'm home!".
So onto other news.. Osama Bin Ladin is dead. I haven't watched much of the news so really not sure as to all the specifics. On one hand it's great news.. he killed soo many people. On the other hand I am 100% more worried about my Randy. I'm afraid there are going to be more riots and some kind of retaliation. I'm so worried about him and I can't stop it. Not even the Xanax is helping. :(
I think I hurt his feelings though and now I feel like shit. For the first time in a week I was able to talk to him online tonight.. well right now actually.. and I asked him what he thought about me moving back in with my mom for a few months to save extra money, until we got post housing.. and his reply was, "I already had to deal with you moving away once. I'm not going through that shit again." I left NY after that big blowout with his Uncle. I couldn't deal with it. But this was 3 years ago. I didn't know he still harbored feelings about it. Nor did I know that it hurt him so much at the time. I wanted to come back, I was just so afraid of his uncle. And then he moved over here to WA, and things were so much better. At least I thought so. I know he was depressed, but he would never talk to me about it. And then he joined the Army and we moved to Kansas. I've been so happy the last couple of years with him. Happier than I ever thought possible. I'm so in love with this man. Now I'm afraid I hurt his feelings, or that he's hiding resentment toward me for leaving. I never meant to hurt him.. and I would never want to. And now he's not even online. I'm hoping its just his internet being crappy and not him not wanting to talk to me.. because he signed on, then signed off immediately. I should have never opened my big mouth. I really hope he's not mad at me. I don't know if I could handle that. Oh God, this hurts. I just want to talk to him. I don't want him upset with me. I can only imagine how stressed he is already with everything going on over there. I don't want to add to it. I just want him here with me now so that I can show him how much I love him. So I can wrap my arms around him and tell him how much he means to me. To let him know how I think of him every day and that it hurts me so much that he's gone. To show him and let him know how much I need him.
This sucks. :(
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