Oh, what a day! :D

So it's about 10:30 Mountain time, and I'm sitting on the bed of a Motel 6 in Casper, Wyoming sharing a bag of Chex Mix with my puppies. Really didn't think I was going to make it out today. I woke up at 5:30 AM got everything packed up in the car including the animals, and at around 6:30 I went to lock up the apartment and MY KEY WOULDN'T WORK! I did everything I could think of. I even took my screw driver and unlatched the whole thing, still wouldn't work. Thought okay, I'll just go out the front door. Went to go out that way, and THAT DOOR WOULDN'T LOCK! I was soo frustrated. So at around 7 I called up my landlord and he said he'd be over a little later to look at it.. so then I started freaking out because he doesn't know we have that other dog.. so I called up Chris and asked if  he would watch him for a couple hours. He said of course, so I packed up little baby Biff and drove him to the Hawthorne's. Then I drove back home and at about 9:10 Lane showed up.. took him about 15 minutes to install new locks on each door, then he gave me 2 new keys. THANK GOD that I cleaned up yesterday otherwise I would have been in big trouble. So then I repacked up the kittens and Odin, drove back to post.. picked up Biff and started my journey. Everything has been pretty smooth so far.. the only really big issue was about 10 minutes into our drive on the freeway, Biff threw up all over the backseat of the car. No good! So as soon as I saw a rest area I pulled in, cleaned it up, and took him out for a walk. He's been good ever since.

So aside from me being a constant worrier, things have been well. Surprisingly the day went by quickly and we got to Casper safe and sound. I pray that things continue this way. I just feel horrible for the animals being locked up in the car.

Right now the dogs are sleeping by the door even though I wish they were on the bed with me. And as it goes with me worrying, I'm fretting over Odin. The last 10 minutes or so he's been kinda mopey. I hope he's feeling okay. I just worry about my boys. I know he'll be super excited when he see's Grandma and Uncle Travis. :) And I'm going to be praying for him tonight and hope that he jumps in bed with his Mama! Also I hope Biff doesn't throw up again. :(

Anyways, I better get to sleep soon. It's already almost 11:00 pm and I want to get up semi-early, take a shower then get back on the road. I'm hoping to arrive at Amy and Tom's around 7-8pm.

Oh and before I forget, 18 days down and 5.2% done with deployment. :)

What a day! I got up early this morning to watch the Royal Wedding. It was so sweet! I felt like a little piece of my childhood was dying, haha.. I was in love with the Prince back in my early teenage years, haha! It was lovely though.. she looked so elegant although I thought her dress would have been a little more flashier, but she was beautiful none the less. I sent an email off to Randy saying that even though he didn't have a crown, he was still royalty to me and still my prince. <3 I love that man, little booger that he is. I haven't talked to him on the phone in almost 5 days, and I've only gotten one email in that time too. :( But I understand that he just arrived at the FOB, and I knew I wouldn't hear from him for a few days once he got there. I just pray that he's alright and our Lord just keeps that wall of fire around him and keeps him safe.

So I'm leaving in the morning to get to my mom's. I'm excited to see her. She took the week off of work so we could spend time together. I really do have the most awesomest mom in the world. She says she's going to take me out to do things to keep my mind busy. I love her. And I am so excited to eat some chicken teriyaki and yakisoba! mmm, although I know I am going to have some serious pity pains knowing that Randy isn't going to be able to have some, especially since it's one of his favorite foods. But maybe I'll be a meanie and take some pictures of me eating it for him. I'm such a bitch, lol.. but to be fair him and Hawthorne do that stuff all the time! :)

I've got almost everything all packed up.. just need my toothbrush/toothpaste, hairbrush, hair things.. gotta get the animals all set up to go. Grab the blanket I'm working on for Randy, and a few other things. I definitely need to clean up a little bit as well and take the trash out before I go. And I want to give my number to the neighbor's so they can let me know if anything is going on.

Anyways, that's about it for today. Right now I'm just relaxing a little bit before I start working on this house again. 17 days down and 4.8% of the way done with deployment. Still so much to go, but at least it's moving. I think being in WA is going to be really good for me and keep me busy and hopefully the next few weeks will fly by, as well as the next year. I can't wait to be with my husband again.

Not too bad of a day.

I've only cried once. :P And it was only for about 30 seconds before I calmed down. And then I had a little episode at the grocery store where I felt like I was going to start bawling but I held it in pretty well. Haven't even had to take a xanax today. Doesn't mean I miss him any less though. I've still spent all day thinking about him.

I was going to go to Heather's for a bit today and help her make cakes in jars, but I woke up too late, plus I'm severely broke and wouldn't have been able to chip in at all. Oh well, I plan on hanging out with her soon. It would have been good for me to get out of the house, but oh well. I did do a load of laundry downstairs which is good, because I had run out of towels! I used the last one this morning! Plus I was able to wash some of my yoga pants so that was good as well.

Ugh, and why do I have such bad luck? My husband is gone and I find a giant ass wasp flying around my kitchen, knocking itself into walls. I bundled up in my hoodie even though it was 72 degree's out. Now I have no idea where it is.. it's hiding.. which I guess is good in a way because I'm not as freaked about it if I can't see it. Still, wish he was here to get it for me. Before he left we saw two and he killed them both for me. He's my hero. <3  Plus he's my spider killer,  I saw one of those too, but was too afraid to do anything or get too close to it because I'm so afraid of spiders! GAH! Hopefully I won't see too many from here on out.

Also today is the 2 week mark. Why is it going by so slowly? It feels like so much longer than 2 weeks. This year needs to speed the heck up. I would like my husband home, thank you. Also, I want to know when he's coming home for R&R. I'm super excited for that even though I have no idea when it will be. I just can't wait to have him home. :)

What the heck?

How is it that I can have such a wonderful day yesterday feeling totally uplifted and happy and finding the strength to get through this deployment, then wake up this morning feeling like shit? Tomorrow is two weeks that he's been gone. Why isn't this getting any easier on me? I woke up with such a sick to my stomach feeling.. and I haven't cried yet but I can feel the tears welling up in me. I talked to him this morning and it wasn't like it was a bad phone call. He's feeling better.. said he was sick because he took his malaria pill without eating food with it. So he's feeling better. So why am I feeling like this? I just hate this fucking deployment.. it's going by so slowly. Only 2 weeks? I have 50 more to go. :( I just want my husband. I want to wrap my arms around him. I want to be able to talk to him more than I'm going to be allowed to. He says I probably won't hear from him for a few days since he's probably on his way right now to the FOB. I hate that I can't tell him I love him whenever I want to. I just want this deployment to be over with and I know it's not going to be for a long time and that hurts so much. I hate this!

Boo.

After I had such a great night at the neighbor's and was feeling better.. Randy got online.. and he's sick. Sick to  his stomach and throwing up. My poor baby. This hurts me because I'm not there to take care of him. I'm so worried about him. I hope it's nothing serious.. maybe nerve's or something. I just need and want my husband to be okay. I pray he feels better soon. And it sucks even more because he's leaving soon to go to the FOB, and I don't know when I'll be able to talk to him again.

THIS SUCKS! SCREW THIS DEPLOYMENT!

Okay, so I know I'm posting twice in one day, but I have to say how amazingly uplifted I feel after spending Easter with my neighbors. They are wonderful people who opened up their home and their heart to me so I wouldn't have to spend Easter alone. I feel so blessed to have been a part of their family dinner. They had wonderful friends over who gave me advice on the deployment and well as helped to answer any questions I had. The food was delicious, and the company even greater. Normally I'm very shy around people I don't know but I found myself opening up to them so easily. They told me not to think twice if there was anything I ever needed. Since Randy left this is the best that I've felt. I feel like I can handle this deployment if not kick it's ass instead of the other way around. Maybe it's just because I've had a couple beers in me, but I had such a great time and I am so happy that I went.

That is all. :)

It's Easter

The first of a long line of holidays that I will be spending alone. I know I've been writing a lot of really depressing stuff but I can't help it. I just miss him so much. 12 days down though. And my donut of misery says 3.4% done. Boo.. I wish it would speed up. It's almost been two weeks and it really hasn't gotten any easier for me. Although I did meet two new friends.

My neighbors, and not the crazy ones who fight all the time, but the ones who live next door. I've never talked with the wife, but I've spoken with the husband a few times and I know he's in the Army as well. He's a nice guy. Anyway, a few nights ago I was walking Biff, and he went to pee on their potted plant and I tried to shoo him away and yanked on his leash.. well without thinking as I did it, the leash tore off a whole bunch of their flowers. I was like, "oh, crap!" So I went and put Biff inside and knocked on their door and apologized and asked if I could buy them new ones but they were all okay with it.. said they'd grow back, no big deal. Well the next night or so I was walking Odin, and the husband was outside, so we started talking, and the wife came out.. And all of us started bashing our crummy landlord and the neighbor's that live downstairs. It was funny.. anyway, I told them how my husband had just deployed, and that I was having a rough time with it, and how my FRG didn't really give out any information.. well the husband pops up, "that's because FRG's don't know anything! if you  have any questions, write them down, and I'll get you better answers than your FRG will." I thought that was pretty awesome. I don't know his rank, but I know he's pretty high up there. Anyways they asked what I was doing for Easter and I said I have no plans and then they told me I was coming to their house. How awesome is that? They really don't know me very well and they invited me into their home for a family dinner. I'm feeling pretty blessed at the moment. And then last  night after walking Odin, I came home to a note on my door from Janet, (the wife) that said, "hey Holly! don't forget tomorrow at my house, 4:00, can't wait to see you there!" That's so cool! And even though I'm really akward around people I don't know very well because I'm shy, I'm going to go. I figure if anything it will get me out of the house, get me to meet new people, and if I find that I'm just too uncomfortable, then heck, I live right next door, I can go home anytime. :)

I got to talk to Randy this morning too. I didn't think I'd be able to because he is leaving tonight to go to his FOB. God, I miss him. It was so nice to hear his voice. But at the end of the convo, as soon as he said he loved me I burst into tears.. then kept crying and finally to a xanax to try and calm down. I hate crying all the time like this. I just want my husband home.. safe and sound, with me in his arms. I hate having to worry about him. I hate how this deployment is going so slow. :(

I'm going to be leaving for my mom's on Friday, when Randy gets paid. I just need to get out of the house. It sucks being here without him. Everything reminds me that he's gone. I think it will be really good for me to be around my mom and my old friends.

Speaking of friends.. I'm kinda feeling akward around Jennifer now. I don't know why but everytime we plan to hang out, she asks if her friends can come along. I'm not cool with that. Like last week we were supposed to go shopping together to get some things for Randy's next care package.. good idea right? We'd had it planned for 4 days.. then about 3 hours before we were supposed to meet up, she sends me a text asking if her friend can come.. I was like, wtf? But I didn't answer her.. then she sent me another text saying she wasn't going to make it because she had to be home early. Whatever. I don't care. It's not a huge deal to me, just really annoying. If I wanted to hang out with your friends too, then I would ask them myself to come along.

Anyway enough rambling.. Bottom line, I miss my fucking husband and want him to come home safe and sound. I hate him being over there. I hate worrying about something happening to him. I wish I could just crawl under a rock and sleep in a coma until this year is up and my husband is back home where he belongs.

Ugh.

It's only been 8 days. I am still so miserable. Last night I had a great night because I was able to talk to my Randy for about 30 minutes online. I was so happy and I actually slept for the first time since he left. I slept about 6 1/2 hours. Well, then I woke up this morning and all I could do was cry. I was so insanely upset and I didn't know why since I had such a great night talking to him before. But as I was walking Odin, my phone rang.. He couldn't have called at a more perfect time. I so needed to hear his voice at that moment. I feel horrible though because I was crying a little, but I hope he didn't mind. He sounded really tired but I was able to talk to him for about 21 minutes so that was nice.

I just miss him so much. This is so hard on me. I need my husband and I want him back with me. Everytime I think of him over there I just start to cry. I just want him to be okay.

He's gone...

I can't believe it. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. Tomorrow will be a week that he's  been gone and it has literally been the worst week of my life. I didn't think I was going to take it this hard but every time I think about him I start crying. I need my husband so badly. I just want him home. I want to wrap him up in my arms and kiss him for forever. I swear  I can barely stop crying. Even when I'm walking Odin, I'm bawling the entire time. I will say one thing.. these dogs have been the only thing keeping me remotely sane. Both of them have been so extra loving with me.. and so protective! I've never seen it before. Someone will be walking by outside down  on the sidewalk and Biff will run to the window and start growling.. then Odin will get up and start barking right along with him. Neither one of them have ever done that before. I know I will be safe while he's gone because I have two great dogs. They are the best. Speaking of which, right now I have Odin laying next to me with his head on my lap. He has been so amazing.

I'm so heartbroken. I feel like someone has thrown a giant rock on top of me and I'm sinking into dirt. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I've already lost 4 lbs which is GREAT, except that it's because I can't stand to eat anything. I'll be starving, go to eat something, take two bites and just want to throw it up. And this sleeping thing is horrible. I just want to sleep.. maybe time will go by faster if I'm asleep. Yet I am able to fall asleep easily enough, but within an hour or two I'm awake and nothing will help me get back. I'm so miserable without him. I just can't seem to function. I'm trying to be strong but it is so hard. I can only imagine what he is going through over there. Or what he will be going through. I'm so scared for him. I don't want anything to happen to him.. I just want to lay down next to him and crawl into his nook. That is always the most comfortable place for me. Always has been. This year needs to go by quickly. I need him home. I just can't bear the thought of him over there. I really wish this was easier but each day that goes by, just doesn't. I miss my husband.

Some days I think I'll be starting to get better.. then one little thought of him and my world crumbles. Back to the tears. And my poor puppies. The last couple days both of them were getting diarreah.. I dunno if it's because they miss their Daddy, or because they see how upset I am. Little Biff.. the first couple days after he left, around 5:00 when Randy normally gets home.. would go and lay down by the door. Like he was waiting for him to come home. And Odin would constantly run to the door and just stare at it. These animals definitely are the only thing holding me together though. I would be lost without them. Even though it sucks being the only one walking them, haha.

I talked to Randy on Saturday night.. he sounded so miserable.. like he was really depressed. I don't think I've ever heard him sound like that. When I asked him what was wrong, he said nothing.. just said that he was up late because they kept him out all night. But I know better. I just need him to be okay. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone or anything. He is the most important thing in my life and I need him.

Dear God, please keep my husband safe. Protect him in your arms, and keep him and his unit with you. Open his eyes so he knows and is careful of his surroundings and if a case arises, please let him be the best medic out there and help him to save lives. I pray to you Lord for a peaceful deployment, a speedy year for both of us, and let him come home to me. Amen.

On a positive note when I talked to him he did say that he was going to have wi-fi in the tents when he gets to the FOB. You know what that means? Webcam time! I can't wait to see his handsome face.

Thank God!

Our lovely government waited until the last possible moment but they pulled through. No government shutdown! Yay! Now my honey doesn't have to stress about finances while he's over there risking his life for this country. And I get to go see my Mom and friends in WA next weekend! Yay!

In other news, last Wednesday we got a date. :( Only  a few days now. I can't stop crying but I'm doing okay. I know I'm going to be a wreck on the day he leaves and probably the rest of the deployment but I am happy that I get a little extra time with him. Bless his heart, he's out now doing laundry for me so  I don't have to do it after he's gone. I am such a lucky woman. <3

I understand the workings of the government and the Army, but sometimes they really piss me off. Like this whole scare about military personel not getting paid on the 15th. What the hell is that about? Congress can't get their act together fast enough. It's really not fair. Our soldiers are out there working their asses off to protect this country and this is the thanks they get? How about the families that don't have any savings built? Like us? We're just supposed to expect bill collectors to let us slide for awhile because we have no money? Doesn't seem very fair to me. It's like, "hey, we know you're defending our country, but we're gonna make you come to work anyway and not get paid for it".. it's such a slap in the face to the men and women who are sacrificing their lives for it. I really hope they figure things out soon because I'm gonna be ANGRY if my husband doesn't get paid on the 15th.

On another angry Army note.. my husband is deploying soon.. yet they can't bother to give him  a DATE? How soon in advance is he going to know? How come some soldiers in his unit have their orders and know when they're leaving, but he doesn't?! When does he get his orders? Ugh.. I really don't want to wake up one morning just to find out that hey, you got X amount of hours left before your husband is gone. It's bad enough that I'm dreading him leaving in the first place.

Okay, so there are my rants for the day. Haha.. At least they released him early today so I get the afternoon with him. <3 I love this man!