I'm here.

I made it safely to my Mom's. It's been really nice. And all the animals have been getting along pretty well too so that's good. A few little hisses coming out of Felix but other than that things are good.

She took me down to Logan Creek. It was awesome. I saw Debbie and April and it was so nice to see them. And then the residents started coming down for supper. I don't think I've gotten so many hugs in one time. I felt so blessed and so loved. It was wonderful to see all of them and talk with them again. I think Mom and I are going to go in during lunch tomorrow and see them again. I got the biggest hugs from Gladys, Anne, and Fen. But I was so truly happy while I was there. It truly felt great to see them all again and get such a wonderful welcome home.

I also saw Sharon. She was the first person I saw. I stopped in Everett before I got to my Mom's and saw her for a few minutes. She is soo skinny! But she looks great. I can't wait to see little Christofer and see how big he's gotten. He's 4 1/2 now. She doesn't post as many pictures on facebook so I dunno what he looks like.

It is so cold out here! And it's been raining all day. Sharon said I brought the rain with me. Haha, as soon as I got into WA it was raining and I was just like, "aww, I'm home!".

So onto other news.. Osama Bin Ladin is dead. I haven't watched much of the news so really not sure as to all the specifics. On one hand it's great news.. he killed soo many people. On the other hand I am 100% more worried about my Randy. I'm afraid there are going to be more riots and some kind of retaliation. I'm so worried about him and I can't stop it. Not even the Xanax is helping. :(

I think I hurt his feelings though and now I feel like shit. For the first time in a week I was able to talk to him online tonight.. well right now actually.. and I asked him what he thought about me moving back in with my mom for a few months to save extra money, until we got post housing.. and his reply was, "I already had to deal with you moving away once. I'm not going through that shit again." I left NY after that big blowout with his Uncle. I couldn't deal with it. But this was 3 years ago. I didn't know he still harbored feelings about it. Nor did I know that it hurt him so much at the time. I wanted to come back, I was just so afraid of his uncle. And then he moved over here to WA, and things were so much better. At least I thought so. I know he was depressed, but he would never talk to me about it. And then he joined the Army and we moved to Kansas. I've been so happy the last couple of years with him. Happier than I ever thought possible. I'm so in love with this man. Now I'm afraid I hurt his feelings, or that he's hiding resentment toward me for leaving. I never meant to hurt him.. and I would never want to. And now he's not even online. I'm hoping its just his internet being crappy and not him not wanting to talk to me.. because he signed on, then signed off immediately. I should have never opened my big mouth. I really hope he's not mad at me. I don't know if I could handle that. Oh God, this hurts. I just want to talk to him. I don't want him upset with me. I can only imagine how stressed he is already with everything going on over there. I don't want to add to it. I just want him here with me now so that I can show him how much I love him. So I can wrap my arms around him and tell him how much he means to me. To let him know how I think of him every day and that it hurts me so much that he's gone. To show  him and let him know how much I need him.

This sucks. :(