The first of a long line of holidays that I will be spending alone. I know I've been writing a lot of really depressing stuff but I can't help it. I just miss him so much. 12 days down though. And my donut of misery says 3.4% done. Boo.. I wish it would speed up. It's almost been two weeks and it really hasn't gotten any easier for me. Although I did meet two new friends.
My neighbors, and not the crazy ones who fight all the time, but the ones who live next door. I've never talked with the wife, but I've spoken with the husband a few times and I know he's in the Army as well. He's a nice guy. Anyway, a few nights ago I was walking Biff, and he went to pee on their potted plant and I tried to shoo him away and yanked on his leash.. well without thinking as I did it, the leash tore off a whole bunch of their flowers. I was like, "oh, crap!" So I went and put Biff inside and knocked on their door and apologized and asked if I could buy them new ones but they were all okay with it.. said they'd grow back, no big deal. Well the next night or so I was walking Odin, and the husband was outside, so we started talking, and the wife came out.. And all of us started bashing our crummy landlord and the neighbor's that live downstairs. It was funny.. anyway, I told them how my husband had just deployed, and that I was having a rough time with it, and how my FRG didn't really give out any information.. well the husband pops up, "that's because FRG's don't know anything! if you have any questions, write them down, and I'll get you better answers than your FRG will." I thought that was pretty awesome. I don't know his rank, but I know he's pretty high up there. Anyways they asked what I was doing for Easter and I said I have no plans and then they told me I was coming to their house. How awesome is that? They really don't know me very well and they invited me into their home for a family dinner. I'm feeling pretty blessed at the moment. And then last night after walking Odin, I came home to a note on my door from Janet, (the wife) that said, "hey Holly! don't forget tomorrow at my house, 4:00, can't wait to see you there!" That's so cool! And even though I'm really akward around people I don't know very well because I'm shy, I'm going to go. I figure if anything it will get me out of the house, get me to meet new people, and if I find that I'm just too uncomfortable, then heck, I live right next door, I can go home anytime. :)
I got to talk to Randy this morning too. I didn't think I'd be able to because he is leaving tonight to go to his FOB. God, I miss him. It was so nice to hear his voice. But at the end of the convo, as soon as he said he loved me I burst into tears.. then kept crying and finally to a xanax to try and calm down. I hate crying all the time like this. I just want my husband home.. safe and sound, with me in his arms. I hate having to worry about him. I hate how this deployment is going so slow. :(
I'm going to be leaving for my mom's on Friday, when Randy gets paid. I just need to get out of the house. It sucks being here without him. Everything reminds me that he's gone. I think it will be really good for me to be around my mom and my old friends.
Speaking of friends.. I'm kinda feeling akward around Jennifer now. I don't know why but everytime we plan to hang out, she asks if her friends can come along. I'm not cool with that. Like last week we were supposed to go shopping together to get some things for Randy's next care package.. good idea right? We'd had it planned for 4 days.. then about 3 hours before we were supposed to meet up, she sends me a text asking if her friend can come.. I was like, wtf? But I didn't answer her.. then she sent me another text saying she wasn't going to make it because she had to be home early. Whatever. I don't care. It's not a huge deal to me, just really annoying. If I wanted to hang out with your friends too, then I would ask them myself to come along.
Anyway enough rambling.. Bottom line, I miss my fucking husband and want him to come home safe and sound. I hate him being over there. I hate worrying about something happening to him. I wish I could just crawl under a rock and sleep in a coma until this year is up and my husband is back home where he belongs.
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