He's gone...

I can't believe it. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. Tomorrow will be a week that he's  been gone and it has literally been the worst week of my life. I didn't think I was going to take it this hard but every time I think about him I start crying. I need my husband so badly. I just want him home. I want to wrap him up in my arms and kiss him for forever. I swear  I can barely stop crying. Even when I'm walking Odin, I'm bawling the entire time. I will say one thing.. these dogs have been the only thing keeping me remotely sane. Both of them have been so extra loving with me.. and so protective! I've never seen it before. Someone will be walking by outside down  on the sidewalk and Biff will run to the window and start growling.. then Odin will get up and start barking right along with him. Neither one of them have ever done that before. I know I will be safe while he's gone because I have two great dogs. They are the best. Speaking of which, right now I have Odin laying next to me with his head on my lap. He has been so amazing.

I'm so heartbroken. I feel like someone has thrown a giant rock on top of me and I'm sinking into dirt. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I've already lost 4 lbs which is GREAT, except that it's because I can't stand to eat anything. I'll be starving, go to eat something, take two bites and just want to throw it up. And this sleeping thing is horrible. I just want to sleep.. maybe time will go by faster if I'm asleep. Yet I am able to fall asleep easily enough, but within an hour or two I'm awake and nothing will help me get back. I'm so miserable without him. I just can't seem to function. I'm trying to be strong but it is so hard. I can only imagine what he is going through over there. Or what he will be going through. I'm so scared for him. I don't want anything to happen to him.. I just want to lay down next to him and crawl into his nook. That is always the most comfortable place for me. Always has been. This year needs to go by quickly. I need him home. I just can't bear the thought of him over there. I really wish this was easier but each day that goes by, just doesn't. I miss my husband.

Some days I think I'll be starting to get better.. then one little thought of him and my world crumbles. Back to the tears. And my poor puppies. The last couple days both of them were getting diarreah.. I dunno if it's because they miss their Daddy, or because they see how upset I am. Little Biff.. the first couple days after he left, around 5:00 when Randy normally gets home.. would go and lay down by the door. Like he was waiting for him to come home. And Odin would constantly run to the door and just stare at it. These animals definitely are the only thing holding me together though. I would be lost without them. Even though it sucks being the only one walking them, haha.

I talked to Randy on Saturday night.. he sounded so miserable.. like he was really depressed. I don't think I've ever heard him sound like that. When I asked him what was wrong, he said nothing.. just said that he was up late because they kept him out all night. But I know better. I just need him to be okay. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone or anything. He is the most important thing in my life and I need him.

Dear God, please keep my husband safe. Protect him in your arms, and keep him and his unit with you. Open his eyes so he knows and is careful of his surroundings and if a case arises, please let him be the best medic out there and help him to save lives. I pray to you Lord for a peaceful deployment, a speedy year for both of us, and let him come home to me. Amen.

On a positive note when I talked to him he did say that he was going to have wi-fi in the tents when he gets to the FOB. You know what that means? Webcam time! I can't wait to see his handsome face.